Monthly Archives: September 2017

Good Day

Walking through the days
crossing paths with my people
telling tales about where we’ve been
what has happened
where we seek to go
and what it means to get there.
We carry heavy things
and we’re capable of rest
good talks, laughter
sharing what’s ripe
and leaving with the reminder
that dark nights are as important
as sunny days

Just for today

Not all who wander are lost. Not today.

I am exactly where I want to be, for better or for worse. I belong right here, right now.

Just for today, anyway.

I don’t know where I’ll end up. I am exploring. I have no goals.

I am a wanderer. When our paths cross, I am kind. I have no expectations.

Just for today. That wasn’t the case yesterday. Maybe not tomorrow, either.

I work hard, but nothing is for keeps. I will work harder yet. I promise not to hold on.

Not today.

I have attachments. My kids. I love my kids. I see them half the time. Sometimes more.

I see their mother to exchange our kids, there is simplicity mixed with depth. What we now share meets my emotional needs beyond the years that have passed between us. Today.

Just for today.

Today, life has delivered me to each tree instead of the entire forest.

Everything is less overwhelming today. There are no hassles.

Just for today, anyway.

Sometimes I get off the Internet. Because connection occurs when I disconnect.

I post my reflections about the experiences I have when I am “disconnected.”

Today – phone calls, text messages and emails are a suggestion, not my obligation.

Today a real book in my hand is beautiful. I went to the library to read them.

Today, I didn’t read random articles on the Internet. There is no “information” I am missing.

Today I will do one thing. I will not talk about 100 of the other other things.

Today “doing” is information. Today “doing” is experience.

Just for today. No guarantees about tomorrow.

Today, no desire, no possession, no control. I have no longings. Fear is gone.

No miscommunication.

Today I’m not asking ‘Why?’

Today, I won’t make room for him or her if I don’t choose to do so.

I don’t have space for his or her projecting. I’m sorry if it’s been a bad day, or a bad life. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that today I choose not to try to understand. Even my own shit.

How? By not asking “why?” Not today, anyway.

I am not seeking to accomplish anything today. Yesterday that wasn’t the case.

Today “accomplishment” is society holding me down.

Today no one is judge. Especially not me. No inner voices that say I have or have not.

Today I can afford to give it all away.

Here are the things I know, if just for today:

      • A story is better than a material gift

     

      • Joy is best. Joy is a choice from the inside, not an emotion that can be given.

     

      • If I make the wrong choice then be hard on myself, then be hard on myself for being hard on myself, I lose. If I don’t judge myself or make others wrong, I win. I like winning!

     

      • I’m attractive and rich when I am charitable with my love, wonder, kindness, curiosity, friendship and connection. This is gold to me.

     

      • Tomorrow the deck is liable to flip, and I’ll change my mind.

     

    Today I have no goals.

    For so long I have had goals that do not serve me.
    ie. “Once I achieve ____ (x) I will be _____ (y).”

    Today nothing outside me will make me happy. I don’t have room for anything outside of me.

    Today = no goals.

    Instead, I hold my own hand. If I do so, I will achieve all the goals I never made for myself.

    Don’t take advice from me today, and if you read this, thank you. May our next step be lighter than our last.

    At least for today.

How I Became a Better Father After Splitting with My Co-Parent

Several years ago when Ella was a baby, we were at my mom’s house. Ella was in my arms. I noticed she needed a diaper change. So I called to my to ex. Then handed Ella over to her.

‘She needs a diaper change,’ I said.

As I recall, that may have been the norm. I cringe when I reflect back on it. It feels like such a “bad form” move. Why didn’t I just change the diaper?

Because for years, I was consumed with making money and making amends with a sore spot that tainted the tread of my soul. The result? I not only failed at doing so, I wasn’t present to the beauty right in front of me. Diaper changing included.

So what changed? We broke up.

It may not have been as one-sided as I am depicting. What’s for sure is that the break up forced me to take stock of who I was. I had to get clear on what the fundamentals of successful parenting should look like (to me).

Here are just a few things that changed me for the better as a parent:

  • I morphed into a multi-tasker, taking on chores previously done by my ex.
  • Once away from the stress of a failed relationship, by degrees, I became more relaxed, more reflective, more present, and as a result, enjoyed being fully immersed with my life raising children.
  • I developed my own parenting style.
  • With 50% scheduled parenting time, I no longer took anything for granted, and thus, developed a more single-minded focus with the kids (as well as my off-parenting time, which has proven healthy).
  • I became much closer and more connected to my children. Like so many nuclear families, mom is the center of everything and dad is a supporting player. I became the center of everything when they were with me.
  • I got focused on (very) slowly repairing damaged relationships from an old version of myself. This improved my self-esteem and the surrounding support every parent needs when raising children.

Right now, it doesn’t necessarily get easier to leave my children at mom’s doorstep, sharing holidays or having to work everything around a parenting schedule, but I’m proud and grateful for the process.

I always say about parenting: the first step is a journey and going all the way is a promise. I live by that.

Last night after a day of playing, visiting, crying, laughing, cooking, cleaning, running around town, and then cuddling them into bed, I came back later. They were sleeping. I looked with wonder at the angels who have transformed me.